SELF ESTEEM AND SELF CONFIDENCE -THE KEYS OF SUCCESS.

A self confident personality is not possible until we built solid foundation of self reliance, the main deterrence of self reliance is mistaken beliefs that others are smarter, wiser, more intelligence or luckier than we are.

This causes us to look others for your happiness and welfare. The moment you are comparing yourself with anyone else you are subjecting psychological slavery. And we are always find external reasons for all of our worriers.

Please remember that we have born with only two fears- fear of loud noise and fear of falling down- rest of the fear about anything- your promotion, what society will think about your family, or what your boss impression about your work, or what wife‘s mood if you have late in friends party with two pegs, all these we have created because of our false self confidence.

No one can let you down if you are not leaning to them. No one can hurt your feelings; make you unhappy, angry or disappointed if you are depend on them for your welfare, inspiration and motivation.

Once you are self confident you don’t have to procrastinate, escape or evade what we facing in our life

Can we examine what is the reason for this domination of third parties in our life?

Every living being in the world has two options when they are facing with any kind of problem or threat- FIGHT OR FLIGHT

Fight- means you have to stay there and conquer/eliminate the reason of your fear   

Flight – means you must run away from your problem, so that you feel safe.

Our all body reactions, like sweating, increased heartbeat, adrenaline hormone pumping in to blood etc is to make us ready for fight or flight action.

Human being, since having an intelligent animal should take an appropriate action after analysing the situation – please remember that the same thing is applicable to all- but with less or nil intelligence.

In depth examination shows that we are spending our entire childhood to developing skills that would make good impression on others.

Thus even at the early point of our life we were programming ourselves to depend other peoples approval. If we are doing good things not because we would like to do it but because others believe it is good and appreciates the work.

We will get comment and approval as good kids. This will make us approval and recognition seekers rather self confident individuals 

Shortly after birth all other species of animals push their young out in to the rough and real world where they soon learn independence and self reliability.

The greatest gift parents can give their children is to help them self confident by making them self reliant. Remember that we cannot live other people’s lives or bear their burden no matter how much we love them.

Obligation is the greatest psychological evil of mankind, we wanted to be great person, be independent and do important things but he cannot, because our primary motivation is always seeking approval of others.

How we can achieve the great happiness and way of self confidence if we will adopt the following five things.

1.     Never compare yourself with anybody else- Comparison is sign of poor self esteem and condition of fear. If you are working in large company with this comparison syndrome you always be in fear that the people above are superior to you and below are threat for catching up your position and ultimately loses the enjoyment of life and job.

2.     Avoid unnecessary competition- Unhealthy completion kills creativity. Really we are starting competent with others when we are unsure about our own abilities. We strive to excellence in our own life rather be competitor to others and approval seekers.

3.     Seek reorganisation not praise. If you are praise seeker every time you do something to meet someone else’s expectation not prove your capacity or skills. Participation is a great achievement-do remember that.

4.     Free yourself from other expectations and do what you are thinking right.  Your basic responsibility is your own physical and emotional well being. Nothing can stop you from achieving total self confidence if you really wanted to. Question is bondage or liberty, the choice is up to you. 

5.     Accept and encourage your self esteem. You can never be better than your self esteem. Boost your self esteem by every deed and never accept anything which lay down your esteem. Self esteem is nothing but accept your worth and skills and value addition to the life.

a.     Self esteem is not ego trip, if you are egoistic you will become a boasting guy and it shows poor self esteem.

b.     Self esteem is not making you happy; accept and adopt high values and beliefs which will make others too happy in your life. In surface many people including great personalities  appear to have high self esteem, but not always , some of the most admired people in the history have become drug addict, alcoholic and even committed suicide just to escape]e from poor self esteem.

Friends, and fellow toast masters, no one is obligated to change just to make your life better and comfortable, because every one of us is doing our best in the preset level of awareness.

Aware, Achieve and Adjust

Really nobody, No corporate gurus like Robin Sharma or books can motivate a person, what they are doing is changing a persons awareness once your awareness changes, you must change completely. Changing awareness means get knowledge.

Achieve something you believe worthy in your life, it may be laptop or charitable donation, or daily prayer or admission of a club, which will boost your self esteem in high level.

If you are perfectionist, you always find problems, so learn to adjust this word is here like this because of many people working for us, hence we also work for somebody else with our contribution.

When you are using your skills and talents in profession to improve the quality of life we are learning to share and care. And Adjust with others.

 If you adopted the following few steps will make magical changes in your life.

1. Remove/leave anything in our life that is not working well for our life- Leave all self defeating concepts and believes.

2. Add and adopt good things which will boost your self esteem and self confidence-Keep Positive thoughts  

3. Avoid people, habit and moments that leading to poor self esteem- Avoid Negativism

4. Recognise our weakness and try deliberately to improve your strengths above the weakness.-Decide and determined that you need self confidence.

5. Take a strong decision and pledge that let nobody down your self esteem in any way. Up keep your self esteem.

We should live our self esteemed life in a confidence way with dignity, happiness, prosperity. The magic  keys we must use for opening the locks of mind and make it out.

Safe homes are sweet homes

East or west safe home is the best.

We are professionals in life and utilising our skills and talents for enhancing the quality of life and services of people. But how many of us using a small area of our attention and expertise in our home to make the sweet home as safe home? Of course none of us is doing it including me.

If we would adopt essential safety precautions and behaviour  in our home , it will be a  home really sweet  filled with everlasting happy and never any unpleasant incident  daring to enter.

Examine what are the areas we must give attention in our home

• Safety  &
• Security 

Safety must be the first priority because it will create irrecoverable loss once breached and further meet with an error.

Safety also can be sub dived in to:

1. Fire safety
2. Kids’ safety
3. Electrical safety
4. Equipments safety & building safety

1. Fire safety is closely related to kitchen hence let us examine the safety tips in kitchen first.  

• Always keep one fire extinguisher in kitchen.
• Never leave knives or any sharp objects open or accidently fall or touch.
• Inspect or let expert people inspect your gas pipe and oven in every six month
• Install smoke alarms in kitchen if possible.
• Never keep any poisonous material and insecticide in the kitchen.
• Never allow your cute kids inside the kitchen while cooking.
• Make sure that the cords of appliances are not hung over cooking range
• Leave space at the back of refrigerator for proper ventilation.
• Never consider any equipment you are using is 100 safe
• Never smoke inside the home, never  in bedroom

2. Kid’s safety Consider the age of your children and plan you home accordingly. Your home should change with your kids

• Put matchbox and lighters in locked cabinet
• Never leave child in bathtub and swimming pool alone.
• Keep all chemicals and medicines away from the Children’s reach. 
• Don’t place furniture near window in kid’s room.
• Keep heavy, small and breakable things away from children’s reach.
• bookshelves and other furniture should be firmly secured with wall brackets to prevent tipping
•  Never place sharp edges furniture as it can be harmful to kids. Always place round edges furniture

3. Electrical safety: Electricity is a good servant and bad master. And it is the number one cause of 80% fires 

• Never put extension cords under carpet or rugs as it causes short- circuit
• Keep curtains, clothes, paper stuff three feet away from light fitting  to avoid fire.
• Remember Electricity is not burn but it will make everything burn when uncontrolled or short circuited

4. Equipment’s safety & Building safety: All equipments made for working under some standard conditions not your will and wish

• Never place sharp edges furniture in bedroom. Always place round edges furniture. 
• If you or anybody else is placing pesticide or chemical near the AC outdoor unit it will become a hazard when you AC is on.
• Avoid Overload: Check for overloaded extension cords – usage should not exceed the recommended wattage.
• Make it Childproof: Areas  and equipments of particular danger include outlets, appliances, electronics and machineries keep away from children dn while working take necessary precaution about kids
• Cover Outlets: Cover all unused electrical outlets to prevent children from sticking a finger in the socket.
• Plan Your Escape: Practice a fire escape plan with your family where you identify two exits for every room and what to do with young children.
• Give special attention to special equipments like air heater,   pedestrian fan, vacuum cleaner this things will become monster when malfunction.

• Create an emergency plan:  Keep emergency numbers and contacts readily available by the phone.
• Unplug Appliances: Unplug appliances and electronics when not in use and store them out of your walkway.
• Cool Your heater: Set your water heater below 120 degrees Fahrenheit to avoid potential burns and to save energy.

No home will be safe home until and unless we take a deliberate attempt to make it safe. Please remember all homes are heaven for us but we adding the safety to home it will become real haven for our loved ones.

  A house is made of walls and beams; a home is built with care and dreams.”

Share the joy shred the sorrow

How many of us can remember who won the Oscar award for the best actor in this year or who was the best player in the world cup football.

Probability we couldn’t, but if ask the question about three decade back, you will answer without  any thought- that is what was the name  your best friend in primary class.

Reason- friendship is from heart and all other knowledge is stored your brain!

We all would like to have friends, but nobody know how we can get and keep a real friend

Today we will speak about friendship –the great flag ship of every human beings life.

Making someone friend is easy but keeping a friend for ever is a tough task, is there any techniques for getting nice friends.

There are few great secret for keeping friends for always and being a good friend

1. Think before Speak

Think before we speak, and be empathetic and sensitive about friends. If you are unsure what to say, think of something to say and then imagine how you would feel if your friend said that to you.

Respect other people’s opinion, religion, and customs. Even if we disagree with them but we can respect different viewpoints.

2. Listen more.

Good listeners are best friends of all, because everybody wants someone who listens then patiently and carefully. Listen without constantly thinking about how we are going to respond. We don’t want to think about our reply so much that we lose focus on what the other person is saying.

3. Touch and feel

Make your friends close to your hear by touching them. Shake hand, gestures with your hands patting in the shoulders, hugging all these actions are help to flow the current of love and care from you to your friend.

4. Share the happy

Don’t hesitate to share your happy with others, whatever it may be. Don’t waste any single moment to be happy. We cannot get rid of all our problems and them become happy, hence find out small spark of pleasure and enjoy it.

5. Shred the sorrow.

There is story of Lord Buddha that no one in the world being without a sorrow.

All human being having some sort of pain in their heart, but by sharing it with friend of compassion, and sympathy we can shred it and relieve from the pain. Just do it in friend ship.

6. Spend time with (for) friends

We need to make time to nurture the friendship if we want it to continue. A simple message at the right time, call over the mobile on the anniversary or birthday will create in depth impact to your friend and such relations will become solid like hard rocks.

7. Be honest in our actions

Years need to create a friend ship and only single moment needs to destroy it. Built the trust with your pals that is the corner stone of the relation.

8. Perfection is word you never find.

Don’t try to get a perfect friend or being perfect to others, be natural with all out our strengths and weakness

“Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections.”  

9. Be positive in criticism

Find something positive in everybody and say things positively. Discouraging words are always hurt somebody. Say “you may look good in blue pants” instead “you will look like a buffoon in this dress”

10. Body language will speak the truth

You can easily mind your words and actions but you cannot hide your body language which will give the real state of your mind to others. Therefore know your body language, control your tone, and pitch of voice when communicating with friends. Keeping eye contact and fail posters will create pleasing mood in both.

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.”

Add five days to your life, not two holidays in the weekend.

Have you ever heard statement that Sachin Tendulkar tired of cricket and and Latha Mangeshkar want a break from her job of singing, or Beckam would like to take holiday from foot ball boots.

Probably never we had such requests about their job. But all of us, the working people and professionals always complaining about tiresome work, tedious job and need of break.

What is the reason? When psychologist Ms. Vera Johns steiner interviewed one hundred creative people who are great success in their career- she found one thing in common: the passion of their work.

Simple truth is that we are doing our job for daily bread and loving to do something else as hobbies and habits. And we need a break from job because we cannot enjoy it.

As Mark Twain truly said “Whatever we are instructed to do is your work and whatever you are passionate to do is your hobby”

If we can enjoy our job as our enthusiastic hobby, what would be the result .we never stop working  or want break from the job  hence we are enjoying every moment like when Beckam playing foot ball or Sachin batting in cricket or a singer enjoying the song during the stage performance .

It is great idea but how enjoy a job which never would like embrace.

Only a few lucky people have their hobby as job or making the job like as pleasure as hobby easy hard task. We obviously are selecting a profession which will give us financial comfort and life security rather than our obsession.

But we can change it- simply Fake it till you make it.

You make a strong belief that what you are doing is the work really you are loving. Over period of time it will become true.

That is what the famous thinker  Confucius said: Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. 

If our job has the zeal of course our life has the zest. And there are some other tips to make your work as your passion:

Use this 3 Ps and 3 Rs

Prepare, Practice and Participate & Relax, Recreate and Renovate  

Do necessary preparation for your job: Time management, work arrangement creating the team etc are essential to make your job easy and enjoyable.

Practice your job well. Achieve enough and required knowledge you needs in your work. Make good practices as part of your job - reach in office and meeting swell in time, honour other time too, deliver the promise, and divide big tasks in small and achievable pieces.

Participate in the job with fullest of your capacity, it will create lot of passion and success. And every success will boost your enthusiasm to do the job, and finally you will reach in the No Point of return where your job and passion become same. Then there is no special no secret for your success full career.

Now come to the other of the coin, if you are not detaching you from the work and you will not have the vigour and vitality to perform again.

Relax: Learn to handle stress, When you have a lot of stress about completing the target and meeting deadlines, you must do something to relax your mind, close your eyes and think that it's only a job and nothing much. And try to complete your target much more confidently without stress.
Recreations are Re-creation of your energy and enthusiasms of work. It is like re filling your car for another long journey.  To have fun at your job, feel fresh and energetic. The feeling of doing the best will charge you up.

Renovate: Do the things which will give enthusiasm and excitement on the work floor. Enjoy partying, celebrations, competitions.
Thomas Alwa Edition a man recorded 1093 patents in his life time had this to say about his brilliant career at the end of the life “I never did a day’s work in my life; it was all fun”

Find a job you like or like the job which you find then only we can add five days in our life instead of two holidays at the weekend.

Mobile behind the wheels

If you forget to take one thing with you while driving to office and get panic .What is that - nothing but your mobile phone. If you are not carrying this gadget in your pocket your will feel completely back out from the rest of the world. Hence always being alert on its every ring and grabbing it.

In the recent past there was a report flashed in the front page of the news papers in Muscat  and when I have shared the same with some of my friends , I have got panic calls from many - asking  about the news . You know what was the news about-USING MOBILE PHONE WILL ATTRACT 10 DAYS IMPRISONMENT. But in fact the news was not correct; it was a traffic safety week initiative only.

            The small and convenient gadget is keeping we all live with the rest of the world anywhere at any time. The wonderful invention of Motorola now changed the way of communication. But I am concern about the use of a mobile phone while on driving which is usual practice we have observed after a strict traffic rule existing against it. Can we take the grave risk of using mobile phone while driving and met with fatal accident which may lead to permanent disability or death of not only the driver but the helpless passengers also.

      In September 2010, the U.S. National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) released a report on distracted driving fatalities for 2009. The NHTSA considers distracted driving to include some of the following as distractions: other occupants in the car, eating, drinking, smoking, adjusting radio, reaching for object in car, and cell phone use. In 2009 in the U.S. there was a reported 5,474 people killed by distracted drivers. Of those 40% were considered to be killed by drivers distracted by cell phones

What we can do for avoiding the mobile phone use while driving? It is easy to say than done. There is simple ABCD I can suggest for escaping from the use of mobile phone while driving and subsequent consequences

A.For AVOID: while you are driving take a firm decision  not to attend any calls, because within few minutes or hours you will reach your destination and you can speak to the caller. And strictly avoid texting when behind wheels.

B. If you cannot resist the ring of a mobile phone B- stands for BY PASS. Select the alternative ways having less risk either a call can be attend by a co- passenger and take the message for you or use hands free, or speaker phone connected through blue tooth.

C.For CALL FORWARD - simply forward to somebody who can help you by taking the unavoidable calls while you are on driving.

D.    DO NOT DRIVE – Use a driver if you are getting frequent calls and cannot avoid a single call, but if you cannot afford a driver, D is there to Do not drive while speaking over mobile- means you have stop the car and finish your conversation.

This ABCD for your safe driving, therefore   alphabets for the life not only of you but of your dependant loved once who is expecting your safe return to home. Due the pressure from our work and social life we cannot avoid a mobile phone. If you losing your mobile phone it is like you are lost your memory. You cannot contact your dear and near and it not a simple gadget to voice communication- it is our laptop, diary, calendar, camera, album, and I cannot complete the list.

But you cannot bet your life for an SMS or phone call, when you are driving a high speed the 2 second’s attention diversion will decide life and death.

So the decision is yours, take strong decision to be responsible driver on the road rather than mobile phone maniac behind the wheels.

See flowers in the night

Life is not a long journey with pains and problems, it is short and quick one with pleasure and positive energy. Every sun rise may considered as gift of 24 hours in our life to do

Fullest things with enthusiasm and energy. At the end of the day we have to ask the question-Did I use the day in at most effectively, did I help needy persons or did I justify the 24 hours deducted from my life.

            When days are passing we are rich with adding experience and awareness of life but we are become poor by deducting the valuable time and opportunities we depreciated from our life. Hence every second counts.

            Live a contended life ,which will give inspiration and guidance  to others, you may not be public figure to see in media and limelight, but please remember you are also the role model of many, your kids, your subordinates, some of your friends. If you are doing an act which will contrast your image it will break the expectation of many. And people looking to you for guidance will be deeply disappointed.

            Life is short by time, but it creating a deep impression by your approach and behavior to others. Never try to be quick millionaire, the millions come quickly will vanish quickly too. Use your capabilities to build your own life in your special way.

 If you believe that money will bring all the happiness, ask that the young man who lost his life in Delhi Jail, because he alleged to done some fraud and arrested and subsequently lost his life because he missed his daily medicine.

Nothing in this universe can bring happiness for you except you; if your mind sees happiness you will be happy in everywhere. Don’t carry forward your pains and problems; leave it then and there, because if you are carrying the burden, you will not get the fragrance and beauty of the thing you are seeing in the next step.

Live every day, every hour, and every moment. Instead of saying I have lived a life with plenty of problems, accept that I am living a life with happiness and challenges. Try to celebrate the life - reasons will automatically come.

When we see life is full of enthusiasm and happy, who bothered about the bad and sad moments which is inevitable like a night for day. But when light of the day vanish we must see the starts in the sky that is also as beautiful as the flowers of the day.

Health is wealth

I would like to tell you a story; it is story of a wealthy man in his forties, who earned everything he required in his life, money, materials, fame. But he was spending his almost the time in hospital and consult doctor after doctors. He eats more medicine than his food and because of ill health. He retreated from everything he like, his daily golf, his weekend hunting, his club visits his favorite foods. But at the same his father in law, who is in his eighties, playing daily tennis, visiting all the business locations and even going for vacations in US in energetic way like a young guy.

Why this ill fate to young man and good fortune to old man- What was wrong? Nothing, but the approach to life. The old man accepted life as god given and take enough care about it. He never misses his daily morning tennis play, evening walking in the park, and weekend visit to pilgrim stations.

When we are physically active in the life, it will keep your body and mind fit to take any task and troubles. How physical exercises beneficial for us? Simple anatomy in out body is that all part of our human body is running on oxygen. The more oxygen we are get the healthier and fit we are.

But how we will get better oxygen, when our muscles are working it required lot of oxygen to get the required level of energy. If you are doing any kind of physical activity it will happen only through the muscles – means you must do physical activities or exercises to keep you fit and fiddle.

Physical exercise can be divided in to two, Aerobic exercise and anaerobic exercise .Any activity like running, cycling, football etc which will create cardiovascular impact is called aerobic and activities creating muscle power is known anaerobic. Weight lifting, power lifting etc are the examples. Other important exercise is stretching –which can improve the motions muscle and joints.

Any kind of physical activity will definitely benefit for you from many angles.

1.     It will burn  extra calories and fat from your body

2.     It will keep your body fit with flexibility, mobility and strength.

3.     It will help you to keep you heart in good health; if your heart is healthy you are healthy.

4.     Exercise will   boost your immune and keep deceases away by reducing cortisol production.

5.     Physical activity will improve your brain function by more blood and oxygen supply to brain.

6.     Exercise will reduce the chance of depression and sleeplessness

After hearing the entire good thing, you also will feel that to do some exercise from tomorrow; really it is happy thought and further we will think how we can materialize this good and enthusiastic wish.

            Try to adopt some simple techniques if you are really enthusiastic to do the exercise.

·        Start right now- yes don’t wonder how, when you are going back from the meeting use the stairs instead of lift.

·        Start with simple exercise-if you are overweight you cannot start 5 Km running tomorrow- you have start with one Km walking  and will gradually increase to 2,3,4,5 and after six months of 5 km walking you may able to run one or two KM. if you opt big targets you will be disappointed and  withdraw from the attempt itself

·        Try to get a companion- your companion will help you to overcome the laziness to start the exercise every day.

·        Believe strongly that it is beneficial by measuring every minor thing your weight, hip size or even your ability to walk upstairs without any breath problem.

·        Avoid exercise if you are ill or not completely fit. Such act will make your subconscious mind wrong message of pain and fatigue.

·        And enjoy your exercise.

As we know that the oxygen is our life, you all agree with me that health is the real wealth we have. If you earn everything you dreamed and in final stage if you don’t have any health to enjoy it – it is not only painful life but also equal to not achieving any thing in life.

            Why we have to take enough care to our health- because if your health is directly related to your dependent members life. A weak and ill body cannot   carry an enthusiastic and energetic mind in it. And vise a versa.

            If one hour of physical exercise can avoid a month long hospitalization – it is better and wise to opt for the first choice.

            If individual is healthy the society and families are healthy. If society is healthy the country is healthy. Healthy countries only will move ahead to property and progress.